Funny Love Quotes

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. 

Josh Billings

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

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Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener!   Unknown

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The great question... which I have not been able to
    answer... is, "What  ..does a woman want?'' 

-- Freud

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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."
 

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I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

 David Bissonette

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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him

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Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for."

 Mae West

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Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce

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Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law

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Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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 Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred

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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

-Oscar Wilde

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 A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.—

Zsa Zsa Gabor

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My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

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The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

 Coleridge

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One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.

 Benjamin Franklin

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.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henry Youngman

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
 Phyllis Diller

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If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do.

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If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

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Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
Hellfire Hotchkiss

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All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

 Lord Byron

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"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante.

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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
-- Albert Einstein - Funny Love Quotes

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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
 Anonymous

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Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-- Jim Backus

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 Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
George Burns.

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city."
George Burns.

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 I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray.

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 In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."

Woody Allen.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once

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Yawn - Nature's way of letting married men open their mouths

Anon

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 I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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 I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

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Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence

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 A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

 Milton Berle

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A wife is   someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. 

unknown

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I think, therefore I'm single.